We have been living in Florida for about a month now. And guys, guess what. I would totally flood your social feeds with picturesque beach shots and me posing in a romper under breezy palm trees, and casual inconspicuous selfies that make you a bit jealous of my new "can't help it live in Florida it just happens" tan. But I won't - WHY? BECAUSE I HATE THAT CRAP AND IT IS ALL A BUNCH OF BULL. And, my booty doesn't fit into rompers.
Listen, Florida is gorgeous and fun. For the most part it has been a great move for us. We literally have been so grateful for the ways God has provided after we just blindly jumped in head first. That isn't just me spouting Christianese. I really do mean it.
But, there has been a lot of the other stuff happening that wouldn't be pretty to look at on your Instagram zombie scrolling session.
Like a photo of Kyle and I rubbing our tense scrunched foreheads as we talk about money, questioning if we can afford this or that or to even exist, deep in some super lame-o mortgage discussions. EW.
Or a picture of Sunny at 11:00 p.m., then 3:12 a.m., then 5:47 a.m. screaming in her own toddler language "whose house am I at and can someone make this tooth stop busting through my gums and why do I have a cold k thanks."
Or an emo-shot of me being all sappy and missing things really silly stuff like my own dish towels and sheets because we have been literally living out of a suitcase for the past few months and I feel homesick for a home I no longer have.
Those are the reality photographs that have been weaving their way through our days and weeks, because you know what is the one of the most difficult seasons? Transitions. And we are full fledge in a transition phase, ain't no denying!
Oddly enough, this stage keeps reminding me about when I was pregnant. Besides bringing me a curly haired little cutie, being pregnant brought me something else. An ability to find joy when I am not able to change my outward circumstances.
When I was pregs, I was pretty sick for the first couple months and could only eat chicken nuggets. (Gluten free of course, because I have standards people, even when it comes to processed meat clumps.) I was in a lot of pain. (Lightning crotch. It is a thing. Probably don't Google it though?) I couldn't sleep for the last few months (2:30 a.m. cheerios and bad PBS television my new routine. I once watched an entire synopsis of Downton Abbey...my life was sad.) And there was NOTHING I could do to change all of those things. Also, I couldn't just do my normal unwind thing and drink wine and pretend all was well -- woops bad habit! So, I was forced to find ways to enjoy life despite not exactly loving all that was happening around me. Because the alternative involved a lot of weeping on the kitchen floor, which got old quick.
So, I found the little things that did bring me joy, and held onto them tight. Not sleeping at night was a perfect excuse to enjoy the most delicious Starbucks the next morning. TREAT YO SELF. My big 'ole belly? The best excuse to send really ridiculous weird dancing snap chats to my friends. Exhausted? I learned to enjoy the art of the couch lay and got rid of any guilt about Kyle cooking dinner, yet again.
And I have seen that same technique play out in our current situation. When I have felt uprooted and disorientated and just so tired from the gigantic, never ending moving to a new state to-do list, I have found little chucks of joy. Things to look forward to. To get me through, for now.
Planning dinner dates and concerts with old friends. (Hi Emily.)
Going to the beach every single night and burying Sunny in the sand. (Parenting hack: toddlers cant run around if they are buried.)
Blaring Bob Marley as I drink coffee on the patio. (Apologies to the elderly neighbor who lives below.)
Buying 5 new swim suits because FLORIDA FOLKS. It is what you do. (And yes, one of them said "I love to party" on it and Kyle was way annoyed at me. It was a joke! But...I do love a shin dig. But 30-year-old moms I guess can't admit that publicly.)
Drinking all the mango La Croix in the state and not feeling shame about it. (SO MANY LA CROIX)
I do think that in any circumstance you can find little bits of bright sunshine to get you through the storm. (Was that cheesy? Deal with it.)
So, I hope that whatever it is you are facing today, you will bury a baby and drink a sparkle water. Or do whatever the thing is that brings you happiness. Find the little moments in each day to get you through. And you will get to the other side, I promise.
Also, I used a lot of parenthesis in this post.